Sandwich MondayThursday: The Poutine Burger
I was directed some time ago to this article by a couple of my good friends from college. Needless to say, the moment I saw what it was, I had a mission. To recreate this glorious lovechild of America and Canada, the fusion of freedom and maple syrup, the poutine burger
So what exactly is a poutine burger you ask? It's exactly what it claims to be. A burger with poutine on it. What's poutine you ask? Educatify thyself my poor deprived friend. All set? Did you check every link? No? Go back, your experience is not yet complete. Done? Good.
CW: Like a true redblooded American, this burger is big, loud, and deadly.
CW: The Canadian in it is probably apologizing.
CW: The thing with attempting to consume something with this much latent power, is that it is invariably going to result in some major damage.
CW: Each fallen fry in this photo represents one additional year I have to live. But there's no helping it. You're going to eat every last one anyways. If you're lucky, you might still have a few years left by the time you're done. Maybe
CW: It is a little known fact that the beef in poutine burgers is prepared in a very special manner. First, a moose is brought in to grind the meat. Then, a team of specially trained beavers slap the patty together. Finally, a majestic eagle flies the burger to the waiting grill. The grill itself gets specially treated too. Instead of lighter fluid, gunpowder from 50 shotgun shells is lit to ignite the coals. In the absence of shotgun shells, fireworks may be used as a substitute. Only the best will suffice.
CW: Adults 12 years of age or older: Take 1 poutine burger every 24 hours while cravings exist. If hunger is unaffected by poutine burger intake, a second burger may be procured. Do not exceed 4 poutine burgers within a 1 week period. If symptoms persist, consult the cook. Not for children 6 and under. Do not operate vehicles or heavy machinery while under the influence of poutine. Side effects may include drowsiness, lethargy, temporary paralysis, and a sudden desire to watch baseball with a nice cold glass of maple syrup.
[final word: Poutine burgers were promised. Poutine burgers were created]
