So....that's a burger, eh?

Sandwich MondayThursday: The Poutine Burger

I was directed some time ago to this article by a couple of my good friends from college. Needless to say, the moment I saw what it was, I had a mission. To recreate this glorious lovechild of America and Canada, the fusion of freedom and maple syrup, the poutine burger

So what exactly is a poutine burger you ask? It's exactly what it claims to be. A burger with poutine on it. What's poutine you ask? Educatify thyself my poor deprived friend. All set? Did you check every link? No? Go back, your experience is not yet complete. Done? Good. 

CW: Like a true redblooded American, this burger is big, loud, and deadly.

CW: The Canadian in it is probably apologizing.

CW: The thing with attempting to consume something with this much latent power, is that it is invariably going to result in some major damage.

CW: Each fallen fry in this photo represents one additional year I have to live. But there's no helping it. You're going to eat every last one anyways. If you're lucky, you might still have a few years left by the time you're done. Maybe

CW: It is a little known fact that the beef in poutine burgers is prepared in a very special manner. First, a moose is brought in to grind the meat. Then, a team of specially trained beavers slap the patty together. Finally, a majestic eagle flies the burger to the waiting grill. The grill itself gets specially treated too. Instead of lighter fluid, gunpowder from 50 shotgun shells is lit to ignite the coals. In the absence of shotgun shells, fireworks may be used as a substitute. Only the best will suffice.

CW: Adults 12 years of age or older: Take 1 poutine burger every 24 hours while cravings exist. If hunger is unaffected by poutine burger intake, a second burger may be procured. Do not exceed 4 poutine burgers within a 1 week period. If symptoms persist, consult the cook. Not for children 6 and under. Do not operate vehicles or heavy machinery while under the influence of poutine. Side effects may include drowsiness, lethargy, temporary paralysis, and a sudden desire to watch baseball with a nice cold glass of maple syrup.

[final word: Poutine burgers were promised. Poutine burgers were created]

.zip Recipes 2: Chicken Bake

Sometimes, you just don't want to stand at the stove, watching your food cook. You have stuff to do, man! This .zip recipe requires next to no preparation, and only uses 1 baking dish, leaving you free to do all the other things you've got planned while it cooks in the oven.

-=.zip Recipes 2: Chicken Bake=-

2 Chicken Thighs

1 head of broccoli

1 yellow onion

salt

pepper

olive oil

sesame oil

optional: fried garlic (find it at an Asian market)

Preheat an oven to 350. Pour some olive oil into a 9x9 baking dish, and let it coat the bottom evenly. Place chicken thighs in pan. Loosely chop onion and broccoli and place around chicken. Add salt and pepper over all items, then drizzle some sesame oil over the chicken. Sprinkle fried garlic if desired. Bake for 30-45 minutes. Enjoy!

Cookbook?

It has recently come to my attention that it is in fact possible to publish a book on the cheap. Or at least, cheap enough to possibly fall within my budget. Those of you who have followed this blog and seen my facebook pics know that over the years, I've whipped up a recipe or two. It was always my intention that, once I had created a reasonable quantity of recipes, that I would then write a cookbook of my own, targeted towards college students, single parents, anyone on a tight budget and for whom time can be a rare commodity.

I have yet to figure out the details, but it's a safe bet that you can expect at least 15 recipes with full color photos, with anywhere between 10 and 30 additional recipes without images (this blog alone already has nearly 30 recipes, although not all will make it into the book). At the moment, I'm considering a price point at somewhere between $15-$25, depending on various parameters, such as book length, # of color pages, etc.

So, my question is this. Were I to get a cookbook printed, would you buy it, and how much would you be willing to spend?

Pagoda Pie

When it comes to home-y food, nothing quite says rustic like a Shepard's Pie. This is a somewhat upscaled version, with many more layers and a bit of an Asian flair.

-=Pagoda Pie=-

1/3 lb pork sausage

1/4 lb irish soda bread

6 button mushrooms

4 Tbsp maple syrup

2 Tbsp chili garlic sauce

1 carrot, cut into matchsticks

1 cup broccoli, chopped

1 cup green beans, cut/trimmed

3 Tbsp sesame seeds

2-4 Tbsp soy sauce

1 Tbsp sesame oil

2 potatoes

milk

butter

Break the soda bread into small chunks, or even finer into breadcrumbs if desired. In a skillet, fry the sausage in a little oil, along with the mushrooms, soda bread, chili garlic sauce, and maple syrup, until cooked through. Place in a 9x9 baking dish. Stir fry the carrot, broccoli, and green beans with the sesame seeds, soy sauce, and sesame oil until vegetables are tender but still firm. Layer on top of the meat. Boil and mash the potatoes, adding milk and butter as desired (I used about 1/2 cup and 1/4 cup respectively). Layer potatoes on the top. Bake for 30 mins - 1 hour, at 325 degrees.

The Dessert That Was On Fire

No hunger games here, just a delicious dessert served flaming. I came up with this recipe as part of this year's annual inter- Co-op Iron Chef competition, earning the second highest score of all the dishes prepared. It's a cool and refreshing avocado and corn ice cream, paired with a fiery lime and cayenne syrup. The following recipe has two variants; one is standard, made with dairy, the other is vegan, with soy substitutes. May the odds be always in your favor (and delicious).

-=Avocado Ice Cream=-

-Ice Cream-

1 avocado

1/2 cup frozen corn

1/4 cup vanilla yogurt [OR] 4 oz silken tofu + 1/4 cup soy milk

2 Tbsp sugar

lime juice

In a bowl, mash the avocado until smooth. In a blender or food processor, lightly pulse the corn until shredded but not liquified. Add the yogurt and sugar and mix thoroughly.

VEGAN OPTION: replace the yogurt with 4 oz silken tofu, 1/4 cup soy milk, and an additional 2 Tbsp sugar.

Add 1-2 tsp lime juice (or the juice from half a fresh lime). Mix together and let chill in the freezer for 30 minutes.

-Syrup-

1 cup water

1 cup sugar

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

lime juice

In a small saucepot, heat the water and sugar together until dissolved. Add the pepper and 2 tsp lime juice and let simmer on low heat to thicken the syrup to desired consistency.

Spoon ice cream into empty half shell, with syrup on the side. Pour liquor over the ice cream (apple schnapps or 151 rum work well) and ignite with a lighter. Serve while flaming.

Nothing like a little Southern Comfort

Comfort food that is. Although SoCo is pretty delicious too. Anyways, I've got a double recipe for y'alls today (Double recipe? What does it meaaaaaan????), both of which are partly inspired by Southern style cooking. We're talking hearty meals that satisfy body and soul. Just like momma used to make. Mmmhmm.

-=Pork Two Ways Harvest Soup=-

1/2 lb ground pork

3 strips thick cut farm raised bacon (or substitute 1/2 lb regular bacon), chopped

2 large sweet potatoes, cubed

1 onion, chopped

1 cup corn kernels

1 cup green beans

garlic salt, pepper, oregano, parsley, crushed red pepper flakes

1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup

6 cups water

In a large soup pot, bring the water to a boil and start cooking the sweet potatoes and onions, about 10 minutes, then turn down to a low simmer. Heat a medium skillet on high. Cook the bacon until it starts to get crispy, but not too crunchy. When done, add the bacon to the pot, but reserve the bacon grease to cook the ground pork. Add garlic salt, pepper, oregano, parsley, and red pepper flakes to the pork to taste. When the ground pork is fully cooked through, add that to the pot. If you really want, you can strain out the fat, but I recommend keeping it; it adds a lot of flavor. Finally, add in the corn, green beans, and condensed soup, and stir until even. Let simmer another 5 to 10 minutes, serve hot.

-=Reds n Greens=-

1/2 lb ham, cubed

2 strips thick cut farm raised bacon (or substitute 1/3 lb regular bacon), chopped 

1/2 lb collard greens

garlic salt

This one's real simple. Heat a large skillet on high and start cooking down the collard greens with a little garlic salt and the bacon. When those are done (the greens should have shrunken down quite a bit, and be a bit crisp), add the ham, and toss together on medium heat for a few minutes more. Done! You can add a can of cooked black eyed peas with some milk and corn starch to add a creamy sauce as well; I would have, but I didn't have any on hand.

Epic Meatloaf

So, it was 11, and I felt hungry, and decided to cook something. And then it just sorta...snowballed into this. Feel free to substitute out some of the more obscure ingredients. Seriously though, it's delicious, and those obscure items are worth getting. Trust me.

-Meatloaf-
3 Italian Sausages, removed from casing
2 cups spinach, diced
1 slice potato bread
rosemary
fennel seed
garlic salt
truffle oil
Parmesan cheese
smoked oysters
2 tbsp milk

Preheat oven to 350. Chop up the bread into small pieces. In a small skillet, heat up some olive oil on high, and toss in the bread for toasting. Add 1 tsp rosemary, 1 tsp fennel seed, and garlic salt to taste. Drizzle a little truffle oil, ~ 1/2 tsp, over the bread crumbs. Toast until crispy and set aside.

Combine sausage, spinach, and bread crumbs in a mixing bowl. Add 1/2 cup Parmesan, and about 6 oysters, chopped. Add the milk, and another drizzle of truffle oil.  Press the meatloaf together, transfer into a baking dish, and place in oven for 10-15 minutes.

-Sauce-
1 cup Puttanesca sauce
1-2 ounces gin
6 cloves garlic, minced

In a small saucepot, toast the garlic with some oil. Add the puttanesca sauce and the gin, and simmer on low heat. When the meatloaf has cooked for 10-15 minutes, and the outer surface is starting to brown, pour the sauce over the meatloaf in the baking dish. Continue cooking for another 15 minutes or until meat is cooked through.

New Blog

Hey guys, just a quick plug for my new blog, "Diaries of a Budding Supervillain." It's about playing the Devil's Advocate, and discussing hard topics that may otherwise be taboo or uncomfortable to think about. Check it out at phdinhorribleness.blogspot.com.

More recipes to come soon!

Vegan Chili

Today's recipe is brought to you as a collaboration between myself and fellow blogger kolorbynumber (although really, she lead the charge on this one). This hearty chili is entirely vegan (no milk and eggs, bitch.....or chicken for that matter), so unless you have a friend who happens to have some random allergy to cumin or something, this is a recipe that can be enjoyed by any and all. And you're going to want to have some friends over, because this recipe makes enough to feed a lot of people. Or you know, you could also just pack up a ton of leftovers, and enjoy the deliciousness yourself.

-=Vegan Chili=-

2 small sweet onions, chopped

6 cloves garlic, crushed

2 jalapeno peppers, diced, (seed one if you don't want it too spicy)

2 large green bell peppers, julienned

2 heads broccoli, chopped

1/2 head cauliflower, chopped

6 tomatoes, chopped

1 cup frozen corn

2 cups pinto beans

2 cups black beans

1 cup water

1 tsp vegetable bouillon (~ 1 cube)

6 oz baby bella mushrooms

1.5 cups kale

1 tsp garlic salt

2 tsp paprika

1 Tbsp chili powder

2 Tbsp cumin

black pepper

Start by pouring some oil into a large pot, heating on high. Add the onions, garlic, jalapeno, and bell peppers, and cook until ingredients are tender. Turn the heat down to medium. Next, add the broccoli and cauliflower and continue cooking until soft, stirring often so everything cooks evenly. Then add the tomatoes, followed by the corn, and then the beans. Add the water and bouillon, and stir to mix. Lastly, add the mushrooms and kale, followed by the spices, and black pepper to taste. Let simmer on low heat for about 30 minutes, and you're done!

.zip Recipes 1: Steamed Salmon

As January rolls along, people are starting to return to college, or for some, may even already have started class. Therefore, I wanted to go back to some simpler recipes like the ones I posted when this blog first started. These .zip Recipes will mostly be quick meals that can be thrown together with little to no prior preparation and use a minimum of pots to cook. This first one only requires 1 saucepot, and only takes about 15 minutes.

-=.zip Recipes: Steamed Salmon=-

3/4 cup rice

1 cup water

chopped cabbage, about 1 cup

1 salmon filet, about 6 oz.

dried herbs, spices

In a medium saucepot, combine the rice and water and swirl around to even out the rice a bit. place the chopped cabbage over the rice, and the salmon on top. Add seasonings to taste (I used garlic salt, rosemary, dill, and paprika) over both the fish and the rice beneath. Cover, and heat on high until the water boils. You should see the steam leaking out from under the lid. Turn the heat down to low, and simmer until liquid is absorbed by the rice and the fish is soft and flaky, about 10 minutes. Move the fish to a plate, and stir the cabbage and rice together, then serve. Quick and easy.

Tea Encrusted Salmon

I've been wanting to cook with tea for the longest time, but until now, I had never come up with a good idea. This recipe has chopped tea leaves in the breading, which adds a subtle flavor to the fish. It's served with a simple salad consisting of collard greens and mushrooms

-=Tea Encrusted Salmon=-

1 Salmon Filet (~6 oz)

1 egg

1 Tbsp milk

1/8 cup Italian bread crumbs

3 Tbsp grated Parmesan cheese

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp garlic powder

2-4 Tbsp tea leaves finely chopped

sesame oil

4-5 collard green leaves

2-4 mushrooms

Salt

Beat the egg and add the milk, mixing until smooth. Combine the bread crumbs, cheese, cumin, garlic, and tea leaves in a small bowl. I used Silver Needle white tea, although any green or white tea will work. Coat the salmon in the egg and then coat with the tea leaf mixture. In a small pan, melt 1 Tbsp butter on high. Sear the salmon on both sides, and add a bit of sesame oil. Then, turn the heat down to medium low, and cook until done. Remove from pan, and slice. Turn the heat back up to high, and toss in the collard greens and mushrooms. Season lightly with salt, cooking for about a minute. Place a bed of white rice on a plate, and add a dash of sushi vinegar and some sesame seeds. Lay the salmon on the rice, with the salad on the side. Done!

Greco-Italian Stir-Fry

Cooking for yourself, there's often the dilemma of quantity. Sometimes, making just enough for one portion is difficult, since you can't really go out and buy a quarter head of cabbage. Besides, the less you make at a time, the more often you have to cook, the more time you spend cleaning things, etc etc, and sometimes you find yourself not having time to cook at all, staring at a slab of raw meat in the fridge that is completely useless to you at this point in time. So leftovers are pretty much a constant, and this often holds true even when you're not just cooking for one. This recipe was born thanks to a large bowl of leftover Greek salad from dinner the day before. Welcome to the Mediterranean, folks, as we'll be spending the next couple posts here. You are now free to roam about the cabin.

-=Greco-Italian Stir-Fry=-

8-12 shrimp, peeled

6 asparagus spears

4 tbsp butter

2 tbsp Dijon mustard

2 tbsp dill weed

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese

Garlic salt

=Greek Salad=

1 roma tomato, cubed

1/2 green pepper, chopped

1/4 red onion, chopped

1/4 white onion, chopped

1/4 cup feta cheese

1/4 cup sliced olives

1/4 cucumber, chopped

Melt the butter in a medium-large wok and start cooking the shrimp. Add the dill weed, lemon juice, and garlic salt to taste. Stir gently to coat shrimp evenly. Trim and cut the asparagus into thirds (peeling is optional, depending on whether you find asparagus too fiber-y). Add to the wok and cook for a few minutes until tender. Next add the tomato, pepper, onions, olives, and cucumber, cooking until tender but not mushy. Finally, add the cheese and mustard and mix thoroughly, allowing the cheese to melt around the rest of the ingredients. Serve!

When it gets chilly outside....

.....it's the season for making some chili inside. There's probably over 9000 different recipes for chili out there, and everybody has their own secret recipe they swear by. This recipe is not-so-secret (as soon as I post this anyways), relatively simple, and doesn't take all that long, but is still very satisfying. It's a hearty pork-based chili, mildly spicy as written (but you're free to add as much heat as you like)

-="Oinker" Chili=-

3/4 lb pork sausage

1/4 lb bacon

6 tomatoes

20 oz pinto beans

6 oz black beans

1/2 large white onion

1/2 large red onion

12 oz brown button mushrooms

butter

olive oil

2 tbsp dark red chili powder

1 tbsp cayenne pepper

crushed red pepper flakes

salt

pepper

Start off by chopping 4 of the tomatoes into cubes and dicing the other two. In a large pot, start cooking the chopped tomatoes in 2 tbsp butter on medium heat, stirring occasionally. In a separate skillet, cook the sausage with some olive oil on high. Liberally add the red pepper flakes (I used about 4 tbsp) as the meat cooks, making sure to stir often to break up the sausage into small pieces. Add salt and pepper to taste. When the tomatoes are tender, add the beans to the pot, followed by the sausage once it is cooked about 75% through. Turn the heat down to a low simmer. For the remaining duration of this recipe, make sure to keep stirring the pot once in a while to prevent the bottom from burning. Back to the skillet now. Chop the onions and sautee until translucent, then add them to the pot. Chop the bacon, cooking in the skillet until done, but not crispy, and, surprise surprise, add it to the pot. Lastly, quarter the mushrooms and cook in 4 tbsp butter, then mix it in with the rest of the chili. Add the chili powders, along with any fresh chilies you may want to add. Continue simmering for another 10-15 minutes, and you're done.

Fusionnnn POWERRR *ahem*

So for a while now, my girlfriend has been trying to get me to learn Spanish cooking, in order to make the ultimate Asian-Spanish fusion dish. One of the things I was recently introduced to is arroz con pollo, or literally, rice with chicken. What gives this dish so much flavor is the fact that the rice itself is cooked in chicken stock, rather than just water. With that idea as a base, I created this following dish. It's full of flavor, and absolutely delicious. Seriously, see the picture at the bottom of the post? I ended up eating half of it before remembering that I was supposed to take a photo for this blog.

-=Sesame Pork Fried Arroz=-

1.5 cups white rice

1.5 cups chicken stock

1 cup water

1 pork chop (4-6 oz)

1 cup chopped leek

sesame oil

vegetable oil

1 tbsp sesame seeds

garlic salt

orange liqueur 

2 tbsp tomato paste

In a medium pot, combine the rice, chicken stock, and water, and heat on HIGH. When the rice has begun to boil, turn the heat down to LOW, and simmer. In the meantime, cut the pork chop into small bite sized cubes. In a large wok, heat some vegetable oil to start cooking the pork. Drizzle some sesame oil over the pork, and add the garlic salt and sesame seeds, stirring to coat the pork evenly. Optional: When the pork is finished cooking, splash some liqueur over the pork. If on a gas stove, simply give the wok a strong shake to ignite the alcohol; otherwise, a grill lighter will do.

By now, the rice should be about done. It should have absorbed most of the liquid, but still soft and moist. Add the rice, leek, and tomato paste to the wok and stir.

Paneer Curry

I'm a pretty big fan of curry in all its forms (and there's a lot of em, from red curry, to green curry, Indian curry, and Thai curry, and so on), but one of my favorites involves Paneer, a type of Indian cheese. Unfortunately, it's not the sort of thing I tend to have on hand. Hell, I haven't the foggiest idea where to even buy paneer. In an attempt to imitate it, I came up with this alternative: fried mozzarella cubes. The soft, mild mozzarella cheese worked wonderfully in the following red curry recipe.

-=Red Curried Beef with Fried Mozzarella=-

First off, the fried Mozzarella--

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup water

1/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs

1 egg

Mozzarella, cut into 1/2 inch cubes

Vegetable oil

In a small pot, heat up the oil. Combine the flour, water, bread crumbs, and eggs and stir until even. Coat the Mozzarella cubes in the mixture, and fry one at a time for 5-6 seconds each. Make sure to remove the cheese quickly, or else it will melt too much and fall apart completely. Once done set the Mozzarella aside. The fried cheese can also be served by itself with a bit of salt as an appetizer

Next up: Rice

1.5 cups Basmati Rice

2.5 cups water

In a medium pot, combine the water and rice, and heat, covered, on HIGH. When the water begins to boil, turn heat down to LOW, stir, and let sit, covered, for 10-15 minutes, until water is all absorbed. Rice should be soft and fluffy.

Finally: The curry

4-5 small Russet potatoes, cubed

2 large carrots, sliced

1 head broccoli, chopped

4-6 oz cooked steak, cubed

2-3 oz red curry paste

1 can (14 oz) coconut milk

1/2 cup milk

1 tbsp garlic powder

1-2 tbsp garlic salt

1 tbsp paprika

1 tbsp cinnamon

In a large wok or pan, heat the coconut milk and regular milk. Add the curry paste, garlic powder, garlic salt, paprika, and cinnamon, stirring until even. Add the potatoes and carrots, and simmer until potatoes are cooked through, about 10-15 minutes. When the potatoes are soft, add the steak, broccoli, and cheese, and cook for another 5 minutes. Serve over the rice when done.

Fishy Capers?

I came up with this one when I remembered a small jar of capers and a large jar of manzanilla olives that was left over from house dinners. I decided to make a sauce based around these ingredients to go with my last piece of salmon, which is easily my favorite fish of all time.

-=Grilled Salmon w/ Sour Cream Caper Sauce=-

-=Over A Kale Rice Pilaf=-

1 Salmon Filet

1/4 cup Sour Cream

1/4 stick Butter

5-10 Capers

5 Manzanilla Olives

1 tsp Dill Weed

1 cup White Rice

2 cups chopped Kale

1/4 cup milk

Melt the butter in a small saucepot and finely dice the capers and olives. Cook the capers and olives in the butter, then add the sour cream and stir until smooth. Leave the pot on low heat and start cooking the salmon on medium in a pan with olive oil. In another pot, start cooking the rice with 1.5 cups water and some salt. Once the water boils, turn the heat down to a simmer and add the milk and kale, stirring until even. Cover and let steam. When the rice and salmon are cooked, serve the salmon on top of the rice and pour the sauce over it all.

Allez cuisine!

Ever had one of those lazy days where you just didn't feel like doing anything at all? That was me this past Saturday, the result of which was that I spent the better part of the day just watching the Food Network. This in turn caused me to produce the following three recipes that night in true Iron Chef style. The not-so-secret ingredient? Chuck Roast, a fairly cheap but highly versatile cut of beef. It may not be the best for steaks, but it is still delicious in so many different ways. These dishes were made from a single 3lb slab of the stuff.

-=Appetizer: Pan-Fried Beef With Sauteed Kale and Pancetta=-

8 oz Chuck Roast
2 oz Pancetta
1 bunch Kale
Honey
Red Wine Vinegar
Olive Oil
Garlic Salt
Pepper

Begin by cutting the beef into bite sized cubes, chopping the kale into small pieces and dicing the pancetta. Liberally coat a skillet with olive oil and heat on high. When the oil is hot, add the beef, stirring often to allow for even cooking. Add garlic salt and pepper to taste. Sear all sides of the meat quickly, then turn the heat down to medium and let it cook for a few minutes. In the meantime, combine 2 parts oil, 1 part vinegar, and 1 part honey to make a simple sauce. Stir until even and set aside. When the beef is mostly cooked through, add the kale and pancetta to the skillet and turn the heat back up to high. Stir often, and remove from heat once the kale is cooked, no more than a minute or two. Serve immediately, drizzling the sauce over the top.

-=1st Course: Mango Curried Beef with Mushroom Gravy and Almond Couscous=-

8 oz Chuck Roast

4 oz Mixed Mushrooms
1 Mango

Turmeric

Garlic Salt

Curry Powder

Chili Powder

Cinnamon

Fresh Parsley

Cream

Flour

Sherry

1 cup Couscous

Sliced Almonds

Heat approximately 2 cups of water in a large wok. Cut the beef into bite sized chunks and add it to the wok when the water is near boiling. Cook on medium-high for about 5 minutes, then turn it down to low. Strain the liquid, and return half of it to the wok, putting the rest in a separate saucepot. Heat the liquid on medium, then add the mushrooms, sherry, 1/2 Tbsp cinnamon, and approximately 1/4 - 1/3 cup flour to thicken the gravy. Turn the heat down to low and let it simmer, stirring occasionally. When the sauce has thickened, pour it over the beef and stir until even. Add 1/4 cup cream, some parsley, 1 Tbsp turmeric and 2 Tbsp curry powder, plus garlic salt and chili powder to taste. Cut the mango into cubes and stir it in. In a separate pot, boil the couscous in a little over 1 cup of water. Add the almonds and a splash of cream, stir, and remove from heat. Let stand for 10 minutes. Serve the curry over the couscous.

-=2nd Course: Roast Chuck Roast=-

2 lb Chuck Roast

1/4 lb Bacon

2 Carrots

1 Onion

Honey

Red wine vinegar

Place the roast in a baking dish and cover with the bacon. Slice the carrots and loosely chop the onions and place them around the roast. Add 1-2 cups water to the dish. Add a small drizzle of olive oil and a splash of red wine vinegar. Drizzle some honey over the bacon. Bake at 350 for about 1.5 hours

Autumn Apple Torte

I first came up with this one two years ago for a potluck my freshman year and I've been making it every year since. There's a fair bit of work involved, but the result is a delicious personal-sized torte. Great for sharing, if you're so inclined.

-=Autumn Apple Torte=-

Crust:

see Savory Chicken Pie recipe

Filling:

3-4 crisp green apples

1/4-1/2 cup apple cider

2 sticks butter

16 oz cream cheese

2 eggs

1-2 cups flour

1/2 cup milk

Cinnamon

1 cup sugar

Preheat your oven to 350F. Start by cutting up the apples into small, bite size chunks. Heat a skillet on med-low and add the apples, cider, cinnamon to taste, and about 1/4-1/2 stick of butter. Slowly cook the apples until tender. In the meantime, beat the eggs in a large bowl. Melt the remaining butter in the microwave. Add the butter, milk, and cream cheese to the eggs and mix until even. When the apples are done cooking add that and any liquid in the skillet to the mixture. Slowly add the flour while stirring until the filling mix is slightly gloopy, but still more liquid than say, pancake batter.

Next, grease two muffin pans. Begin pressing the pie crust dough into the bottom and sides of each well. Fill each mini crust with the apple filling. If you have any extra filling left over (which is likely), you can either make more pie crust, or add more flour to the mixture and make apple muffins. Sift some confectioners sugar over each torte. Bake for 30 minutes-1 hour, until filling is firm and top is slightly browned.

Yields ~15 mini-tortes + 6 muffins

LumberJack Steak

Well, it's Friday, and finally one where I've got some time to put up a recipe. This one's a bit of a tradition from last year, when we had ourselves a little Steak Night on Fridays once every few weeks up at the co-op where I live. Seeing as house meals are vegetarian, those of us who enjoy asserting our dominance over the food chain would often cook up copious amounts of meat to deal with the withdrawal*. Heck, even before that, when I lived in a townhouse, I would often cook steak come Friday night after a long week of classes. Really, I've been grilling steaks since just about forever, which has given me plenty of practice in getting the perfect medium/medium-rare, which is how I like mine -- cooked just enough so that it's no longer bloody, but still juicy and tender.

*this is, obviously, a joke. Meat withdrawal only sets in after about a month in reality, but is a real problem. Informal polls show that 72% of all forced vegetarians either have or will suffer from meat withdrawal at some point.

Anyways, here's the recipe for the Lumberjack Steak, so named because if you can actually finish this monster in one sitting, you're either a lumberjack, a bear, or me (yes, I have done it. Only once, but still. It was delicious)

-=LumberJack Steak=-

1 Sirloin Steak (~1.75-2 lb)

1 Onion, chopped

Salt

Pepper

Optional, for fellow pyros out there: flavored liquor of choice (Fireball Whiskey rocks)

Cooking steak is a bit of an art, but the methods are the same whether you're on a stove or grill. The trick is to quickly sear the surface of the steak to lock in the juice and flavor, then turn down the heat so the meat can slowly cook through without getting tough. Although I like my steak medium/medium-rare (pink-red in the center), you could in theory continue cooking this all the way to well done without the meat getting too tough (I still don't recommend it though).

Start by turning the heat up to HIGH. Let your cooking surface get good and hot, then drop your steak in. Add salt and pepper to taste. Let the steak cook to approximately 1/3 of the way through from the bottom, so that if you're looking at the sides, the bottom third is brown, about 3-5 minutes. Now turn the steak over and let it sear for about a minute while you add salt and pepper to this side as well. Turn the heat down to medium once the bottom surface is fully cooked. Add the onions in now, stirring occasionally so they cook evenly. Now this part is a little difficult to describe, because cooking times will vary depending on the thickness of the steak. Once the sides of the steak are cooked, flip again and turn the heat down to LOW. At this point you should start checking to see if it's fully cooked. The center will take longer to cook than the sides, so just looking at the steak isn't always a good judge. Take a pair of tongs and press on the center of the steak. It should be firm, but still have some give to it. If it feels squishy, then the center needs more time. It shouldn't be hard though; a juicy steak will depress then bounce back. Knowing the right feel is something that takes a bit of practice. At this point, the steak is ready to serve. However, I like to add a bit of extra flavor by flambe'ing it. Turn the heat up to HIGH again, and quickly splash a small amount of liquor on top of the steak. CAREFULLY, using one of those long barreled lighters (or if you're like me, a butane torch), light the alcohol. This will literally burn the flavor from the liquor into the meat for an extra kick. After impressing your friends (or terrifying them to death), dig in! Sharing is optional.

PSP

Some of you may be familiar with the Poor Man's Pizza (basically, pizza made open-faced on french bread or a sub roll). The Poor Student's Pizza (PSP) is an even cheaper version of this, using toast. Really, it's more an exercise in using up leftovers than anything else (I first came up with this 'recipe' this one time when I had some extra pasta sauce; not enough to make spaghetti, but enough to not throw out). It's great for a quick on-the-go meal as well.

-=PSP=-

Sliced Bread

Pasta Sauce

Shredded Mozzarella

Toppings?

Spread the pasta sauce on the bread and cover with shredded cheese. Add any toppings and spices as desired (I made mine with ham and dried oregano). Toast in a toaster oven until cheese has melted.

There's a lot of variations to this theme. The California, for example, uses avocado and cheddar. Feel free to make up your own versions.